don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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