Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
