if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Houston, we have a squirter
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
