I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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