I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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