Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
