Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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