My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
