If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
