well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
