I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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