now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
