I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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