you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
