the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
