i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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