happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Randomize
