I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
