I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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