Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize