Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
4 words: hood of his car
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
