We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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