I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
