Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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