Cold hands, warm shart.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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