this just has baby written all over it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
