I think my fart just growled at me.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
