I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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