Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
