i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
