Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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