Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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