Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize