hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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