I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
