Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize