im drinking this country out of the recession.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize