so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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