And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
