U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My room smells like vodka and shame
If that was your dad, he is hot
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
