We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
did i walk over a car last night?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
