After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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