Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
