apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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