I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
