Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
