youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
