I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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