i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
