Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
