Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
