she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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