fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
