He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
