This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
