my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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