if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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