An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
