***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
