I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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