Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
