I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
