So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
