If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
