he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
