nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
