1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
