I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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