sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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