: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
