Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
