My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think my moral compass just broke
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
