Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
